For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Facts about cyclone Phailin – could be India’s Katrina. information accurate as on 5. 15 PM IST. 12 th October 2013.
Origin of name: Cyclone Phailin, a thai name meaning Sapphire pronounced as Pi Lin.
Expected Time of Landfall: This superstorm is expected to strike Indian coast between 6.00 to 08.00 PM IST.
Expected Wind Speed: Around 200 to 220 Kmph at the time of Land fall. Gusting speed upto 245KMPH.
Average Speed of advance of storm : 20 Kms per hour.
Storm category : CAT 4, Close to supercyclone. As per IMD – Indian Meterological Department.
Cyclone impact regions: It is expected to strike Gopalpur in Orissa state, India. The super cyclone may have an impact in the states of Odisha, Andra Pradesh, Bihar, Jharkhand, Chattisgarh and Uttar Pradesh. However the landfall expected in the states of Andrapradesh and Odisha. Moderate to heavy rainfall in other states. Chattisgarh and Kharkhand may receive heavy rainfall.
Preparations taken up:
a) 24 *7 Control room is established by the government .
b) adequate measures is taken care for providing food grains, water and other basic necessities in the set up relief camps.
c) More than 4,40,000 people have been evacuated by around 1.30 PM IST. (Source NDMA – National Disaster Management Authority) who were residing in the low lying coastal areas.
d) 23 teams of NDMA Personnel dispatched to Odisha , 11 teams to Andra Pradesh and few other teams kept on reserve. Total of 50 NDRF Teams deployed in Andra Pradesh, Odisha and West Bengal. NDRF Teams equipped with satellite phones and wireless sets. NDRF Control team in Delhi to monitor round the clock.
e) Indian Air Force and Military put on high alert to assist rescue and relief operation. The IAF has already dispatched, 2 Navy warships in stand by. 4 naval ships ready to be pressed into action along eastern coast . Eastern Naval Command on Stand by to assist relief operations. 6 Naval helicopters on stand by. Two C 130 J Super Hercules Airforce aircraft put on stand by to assist relief operations. Total of 10 helicopters positioned in Barackpur.
Other Details: 6 Hours it is expected to remain as severe cyclonic storm then for the next 12 hours its expected to turn into depression.
This information is accurate as on 4.40 PM IST. 12TH October 2013. More information shall be updated as on the arrival of the latest news.
Atom -the junk yard DOG versus Zeus the undefeated champion in the REAL STEEL movie reminds of the beauty of life….U can be a junkyard dog but still if you are wired with strong will u can achieve the impossible….
To be a winner in life all you need is a strong will to do and patience to hold your nerves in tough times. As swami vivekananda said Patience Perseverance and Hard work leads to success.
You can be a person with nothing under your belt to show to the world in your first fight, but the fact that everyone starts somewhere is the truth. Rome was not built in a day, it took several years, several decades to make it a grand city. Continuous work with dedication will yield results. If you decide you wana change your current situation and wana be successful you must decide. Today.
Swami Vivekananda said…..
Take up one idea,
Make that one idea your life.
Think of it, dream of it.
Live on that idea.
Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body be full of that idea and just leave everyother ideas alone.
This is the way to “success”.
And this is the way great spiritual giants are produced.
Others are mere talking mahines
Once a boy asked swami vivekananda…can there be anything more worst than loosing a girlfriend….? Swami replied..Yes. loosing your confidence of getting another 🙂
Have you ever asked why problems come…..? If god exists, why does he give problems and why aren’t you able to get solutions….? Why only you….?Have you ever cried your heart out finding tough to face problems….? regret your previous decisions and blame yourself for the problems…?felt disgusted for having problems…?wished something good to happen… a miracle……so that you can come out of it..? or Felt like ending life….? What ever may it be ….Not to be worried, you are perfectly normal. There is a saying in kannada – south Indian language ( kashtagalu manushyarige barade inenu pranigalga barathe??) that means ” will the problems come for animals ..?if not for humans?” Problems do come for Humans. Accept the fact. The question lies in, do you wana cry over it or move on with strength and say to yourself I will succeed over my problems.
Why problems come?
Problems can come to oneself because of ignorance, failing to see and sense, not doing what needs to be done, doing things wrongly, relationships, resources, reactions, responses…etc. a)IGNORANCE: When a person lacks knowledge about something his ignorance can lead to problems. For example, a young child may not know that a stove can get very hot, and this ignorance can lead to a serious burn.b)FAILING TO SEE AND SENSE: This problem is similar to ignorance, but it is slightly different. This ignorance is due to a person’s own failure to not see and sense something because he is careless and not paying attention. It is one thing to be given wrong directions and to end up lost. It is another thing to be given the right directions and to end up lost for not paying attention to those directions.This problem comes when a person should know something but he does not For example The teacher has announced a quiz when you were not paying attention, and then later you come to class totally unprepared c)NOT DOING WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE:Often we create problems because we refuse to do what we should (because of neglect, indifference, ignoring our duties, stubbornness, etc ). These are problems that are caused by my WILL (by the choices and decisions that I make or refuse to make).For example I choose not to study for my class, and I end up with a problem (a bad grade) d)DOING WRONGLY: We can fail to do right, but we can also do the right thing in the wrong way, and this failure causes problems too! Often we try to do things in a way that is contrary to certain principles and laws, and we get into trouble. For example A person might step off a roof, and immediately he has created a problem for himself because he has violated the law of gravity. A deep sea diver might foolishly think that he can work underwater without his oxygen tanks, but if he tries, his life will be in “deep” trouble! e)RELATIONSHIPS: We contact people and connect with people each and every day.You may get into problems because of the way you behave with them f) RESOURCES: Lack of resources create problem , resources can be anything money, commodity..etc g) REACTIONS:Many of our problems are due to the fact that we react in the wrong way to people and to situations. We often react in a negative way. Instead of going forward and making progress, we react wrongly and take a step backwards. We react in an opposing way h)RESPONSES: Many problems come because of the way I respond to the words, works and ways of others.Some problems come because we give the wrong kind of responses. Too often we respond to things by being afraid or by worrying. If someone starts arguing with us, we usually respond by arguing right back. If someone wrongs us or harms us, the natural response is to retaliate. Many problems are created by such natural and sinful responses. Source: (http://www.middletownbiblechurch.org/problem/problem3.htm)
WHAT ONE SHOULD DO IF PROBLEMS COME?
: First accept that its normal, problems do come for human being. After accepting it, calm down and analyse what is the reason behind the problem, in this stage many find it tough to comprehend then you must speak to people whom u feel has good listening ears and can offer u valuable advise. remember you should go only to those people who genuinely tries to help you in difficulties and are motivating. When problems strike do not take any hasty decision that you may regret in future, put things on hold till u are mentally clear on the problem and what needs to be done to set it right. Positivity is the key, pump yourself with positive thoughts only, even if your mind makes you think negative, its fine. that’s natural, go over it but remember that you are made strong and nothing can break you down this offers you the confidence to take on problems and have a positive outlook. Most importantly look at problems as an opportunity to learn. In problems look for an opportunity to grow, learn new skills and introspect, learn a lesson.Brigitte Nicole said ” Sometimes the lesson you learn from the choices you have made put you on the path to the best things that will ever happen to you. Now when you have understood the reason behind the problems have focus and determination to get out of it. Do not loose focus, be determined that you will overcome it.
Even after doing all of that mentioned above, If you feel u cant come out of problems in spite of trying then listen to people who have more problem than u, understand yours is very less. then it will work. even if it doesn’t work, go to cremation ground and understand finally u have to go there no need to worry, everyone has to go back to earth. good time bad time everything will come and go. wait for the good time. Remember behind every dark cloud lies silver lining. Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep the faith. It will all be worth it in the end. Robert frost said ” In three words i can sum everything I have learned about life: It goes on” I believe it must go on. When you follow all that i have told above I am sure you will find answers to your problems and shall help you come out of it with smile.
Finally on ending note I would like to remind you all of a video I seen on facebook ( https://www.facebook.com/srinidhiys/posts/10201295359399407?notif_t=like ) It says. Life is tough that’s a given, when u stand up you will be put down, when u are down u will be stepped on, you will fall down, u will stumble, you will get pushed, you will land square on your face, but every time that happens you get back on your feet. You get up just as fast as you can…no matter how many times you need to do it. Success is all about getting up one more time when you have been knocked down. In this world nothing is free and you get it easy….life is hard real hard incredibly hard.. You fail more often than u win…..Its up to you to puff up your chest….stretch your neck….and overcome all the difficult ..the nasty the mean the unfair….. you want more than you have now…? prove it… you want to be heard as the best there is?….get there and earn it. once you decide that… you will know where it is you want to be..and you wont stop pushing forward until u get there…that’s how winners remain at the end of the day …success is what we all want…we all want to win..and the race will be won…no question about that…so come on… get out on top..run faster…dream bigger..live better than u have ever before…this is in you..u can do this…do it for yourself…prove it to yourself.
Wishing all a happy life. My prayers for all those who are facing difficulties. I am sure, very sure you all will succeed. Cheers !!!! Srinidhi Y.S